Introspection..why did I do this in the first place? Long and reflective so skip if you wish!

Now its time to get a little introspective...when I think back to January when I first heard about CCFA's Team Challenge, it seems like forever ago. I remember pondering whether I should take on such a big project. It had been a really, really tough year for my family (2007).

You've heard a lot about how very, very sick Kody was and how extraordinarily difficult it was for him and for his girls. Their lives were very much uprooted and it was tough going for all of us just trying to be there for them, and still function in our own worlds. Kayla and Tonii were without their dad for long periods and still went about doing their best in school and sports and really rocking the house at not just functioning, but thriving. They had a couple of years when they only saw their dad in pain and hurting and I know it was really, really hard...but they were champions. By January, time was just dragging and I so badly wanted to do something to help but I just didn't know what... Believe me, I'm so proud of how ALL of them dealt, all along - even then, ...but honestly my heart was just aching for all three of them.

Also during the prior year, my sister Suzanne's son was diagnosed with diabetes...at age 3. It was such a scary time and has been incredibly difficult for them to adjust to a life of needles and constant checks 24/7. Suzanne has been brave and a model of strength for Braden...ensuring that his "lifestyle" hasn't changed and he hasn't become a "victim". Braden's courage has been truly inspiring. Diabetes hasn't slowed him down a bit. He gives himself shots and just keeps going 100 miles per hour. Suzanne has learned everything imaginable about how to combat the big D and been on duty full time making sure that Braden gets exactly the treatment he needs. It has been remarkable to see her step up to this challenge. They, and little miss Taylor, who has done a lot of growing up way too quickly, are very motivating, too.

My sister Julianne had a health scare with her son, Brody, also...and though things appear to be okay, he'll need his liver checked regularly to be sure that doesn't change. When news came at a checkup that there could be a problem, she stepped up to the plate, got the tests and did what needed to be done. All the while she mangaged to absolutely kick butt in college - and eventually earned a 4.0 in her last semester of course work to finish her teaching degree with highest honors. Amazing.

My parents during this time dealt with all of us going through tough times, and their own things as well. My mom suffers from immune related issues and my dad has had terrible back trouble - but they just rose to the top, never faultering and ALWAYS being ready to jump to be sure that us kids had what we needed. Their strength was very much a factor in my thinking maybe I could do something that would help us all focus on something positive, in the face of so much adversity.

My own little family - my kids and Scott - consistently was at the top of my priority list..so important to me...something I wanted desperately to protect and nurture. But even as I contemplated taking on Team Challenge, it was coming apart. I'll reflect on this more in a different, more private place...just can't do it here.

In January when I started thinking about this project, it was not good, and to make matters worse, a problem that Dylan had first experienced with his digestive system a year before started to rear its ugly head again, too.

All this led to my decision to take a leap...I needed to be able to DO something to help my brother and my son and to have a positive goal in my near future to keep me moving ahead and stop me from stalling out. I wanted so much to have something that I believed in and a goal that I could control. All the illness and disease in my life had left me feeling VERY out of control. And so very helpless to be able to make my family smile...have happiness and joy amongst everything else.

When I decided to take the challenge, it was with a lot of hope and expectation...almost desperation. I NEVER could have dreamed it would be such an amazing and truly life-changing journey.